Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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