I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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