It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
