and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
