dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
