I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
