He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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