so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
