we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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