Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
