I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
