Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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