I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
