I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
