I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
