I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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