Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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