I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
