and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
