my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
