I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The ass gains better be worth it
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