WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
