I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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