perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
