Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
