my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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