when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
