i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
