Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
