Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
