We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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