i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
