Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
