I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
