At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
