he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Found your dick twin last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
