there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
