We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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