I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
this hospital has no fireball
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
