i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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