Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
