She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
