What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
