Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Two words: blizzard sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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