I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
