So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
