I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
