Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
