Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
