you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
