The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
