i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
