Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
