Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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