Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
