My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
