Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
