Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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