we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
