I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
