remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
