I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
