have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do vagina's smell?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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