Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
