At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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