Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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