So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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