i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?