i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
