So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
