how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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