his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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