that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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