They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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