Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
